Remembering our elderly as they decline, a new initiative
While we herald youth, cringe on middle age and vastly ignore old age…. Have we ever thought about who we are? What did we do? How did we do? Why did we do it? The list is endless…Aging is not for …. Then what do we remember about our elderly grandparents, parents, great grandparents, neighbors, families, societies, communities, worlds!
If what we remember were to matter, then why should we…
If why should matter, then who should we choose to…
We can either think this way or remember the decline of our lives as we age as a path of …. For each of us, this path will be different, for some special, some bitter, while some least bothersome.
To herald this, during my days as a Geriatrician, I found solace in remembering the elderly as a journey of a being, they were not the same, but it did help me immensely to understand their families, their dilemmas, their decision making capacities, their family models, their personal worth, drives, lives… from caregivers to patients, it made my work much easier… for medicine is not the “it”!
I recollect a special instance, where our patient with Alzheimer’s’ accompanying his wife of thirty years made a usual routine trip… this morning was different, as our past meetings would be filled with notes from the past weeks or month and changes in behavior, medications, nutrition, physical abilities, etc Our elderly gentleman was smiling, he was happy and as he walked in, he waved a hello 😊 with kindness, love, appreciation! He could not speak, but today he had recited my name… the first in a year since I had known him… How could that be? My thoughts raced… Is this how I remember him or do I remember or know him only through the diary filled with disruptive behavior, psychosis? Years went by, he would no longer come to our office but I would make that trip to his home, laying in a hospital bed, he would blink his eyes when I called his name… or turn around and stare at me… That sparkle was still there, though words could no longer claim him!
So how do we remember our elderly as they decline? Through words, gestures, smiles, hello, byes… Or through a new perspective? Here are some ways we can, this list is not comprehensive as our wonderful world and heritage have their own ways …
- For what they stood for…
- For what they accomplished…
- For what they believed in….
- For what they empowered us with ….
- For what they inspired us to do…
- For what they envisioned as they created…
- For what they trusted in or as …
- For what they challenged
- For what they loved and lived for…
- For what they thought, manifested…
These are very generic, not all may be relatable to everyone…
Remembering our elderly as they decline for their attitudes, past and current behaviors can become overwhelming to many, for each of us have lived through different experiences. Our work is to remember that all these are just the spectrum of aging… no one answer answers all. We do hope that this blog might help us in understanding mental health even better and the processes of aging, healthy aging, unhealthy aging, or abnormal aging. The decline is a generic term and may not be suitable for all circumstances, conditions lives.
As for the gentleman in this story, he was well-loved and cared for, his passing left a major void in his spouse, and so I wrote this blog to dedicate it to someone that touched our hearts for over a decade… Thank you.